How to Talk to Your Partner about Overactive Bladder

You may not think your bladder affects your sex life, but it can and does, so it’s important to know how to talk with your partner if you have overactive bladder. 

Overactive bladder or OAB is when you have sudden urges to urinate that may be hard to control. It can lead to the need to pee many times during the day and night, and sometimes results in accidental leaks known as urgency incontinence.1

It can also impact your sexual health, which means your partner deserves to better understand overactive bladder symptoms.

How Overactive Bladder Affects Your Relationships

Studies have shown that overactive bladder can impact a woman’s quality of life. It can also have a negative effect on sexual health and sexual activity. Opening up about bladder control issues can feel difficult, but clear communication makes a big difference. 

This article by the Pelvic Awareness Project shares practical advice for starting the conversation, easing embarrassment, and gaining support from a partner. Readers will walk away with strategies that build trust while exploring ways to manage overactive bladder together.

Do I Have Overactive Bladder?

Our kidneys make urine and pass it into the bladder, which expands as it fills. At a certain point, the bladder sends nerve signals to the brain to let you know it’s time to go to the bathroom. Those nerve signals work with the pelvic floor muscles to allow you to pee at the appropriate time.

The pelvic floor is a group of muscles and ligaments that play an important role in bladder and bowel function, and in sexual function, as well as holding the pelvic organs in place. Poor pelvic floor health can lead to a number of pelvic disorders, such as OAB. 

Are you wondering if your pelvic floor is healthy? Find out by taking a few minutes to complete the Pelvic Awareness Project’s pelvic floor health quiz.

If you suffer from OAB, the bladder muscles start to tighten on their own, even with a small amount of urine in the bladder. These involuntary contractions cause an urgent need to pee.1

Here are some overactive bladder symptoms:1

• You feel a sudden urge to urinate that's hard to control.
• You leak urine without meaning to, even after an urgent need to urinate. This is known as urgency incontinence.
• You pee a lot, which is defined as eight or more times in 24 hours.
• You wake up more than twice a night to urinate, known as nocturia.

OAB may be more common among older adults, but it is not a typical part of aging.1 And while overactive bladder sometimes causes incontinence, it’s not the same condition as stress urinary incontinence, another pelvic disorder that commonly affects women. Want to know more about the difference in these two conditions? Read this overview of the nuances between OAB and SUI. 

The Negative Impacts of Overactive Bladder

That urgent need to pee, even when your bladder isn’t full, can’t be ignored. This feeling happens much more than it should, which leads many women to feel self-conscious. 

Overactive bladder symptoms can have a negative impact on your life:2

• You can’t get through an average day without many visits to the bathroom.
• You may be hesitant to be with family and friends. 
• You may not want to do things you enjoy, because you have to be near a bathroom, or you worry about leaks.
• Your sleep is disrupted, and leaks may lead to a skin rash or infections. 

And yes, OAB can impact your relationships and your sexual health.

Overactive Bladder and Sexual Health

Studies have shown that overactive bladder — with or without incontinence — has a  negative impact on women's sexual health. It can reduce sexual desire and the ability to achieve orgasm.3

Sexual activity is significantly reduced in part because the activity during sexual intercourse may cause leaks. As a result, women feel shame and a fear of incontinence, as well as urinary leaks during sex, and the urge sensation during intercourse. Female orgasm rates are low in patients with overactive bladder.4

How to Talk to Your Partner About Overactive Bladder

You may feel embarrassed about your overactive bladder symptoms, and the impact the condition may be having on your relationship. Open communication is the best way to deal with your concerns about OAB. Here are some ideas to help you talk with your partner about your condition and what it means for your relationship. 

1. Pick the Right Time

Try not to talk about your bladder issues during an intimate encounter, or right before or right after intimacy. Choose a quiet time and place and tell your partner you have something important to discuss.

2. OAB is a Medical Condition

Start by educating yourself on OAB, so that you can explain it to your partner. OAB is a medical condition with physical causes that also impacts your social and emotional life. Talk about how it makes you feel, and what you’ve learned about possible treatment options. Explain to your partner that you’re not alone; it’s estimated that one out of seven women in the United States suffer from OAB, and has detrimental effects on the health of millions of people.5  

3. Discuss its Impact on Intimacy

Explain the overactive bladder symptoms and how they are affecting you in terms of your sexual health. Encourage your partner to ask questions, and ask your partner to work with you to find solutions to what you’re experiencing. 

4. Look for Solutions Together

Talk with your partner about possible solutions while you seek treatment for OAB. For instance, emptying your bladder immediately before sex may help; experimenting with different positions may reduce the chance of leakage; placing a towel under you may provide some reassurance.   

5. Ask for Support

Talk openly to your partner about the emotional impacts that OAB is having on you, including embarrassment, isolation, and fear. Ask for your partner’s support as you seek treatment options for overactive bladder.   

See Your Doctor

If you’re suffering from overactive bladder, with or without incontinence, don’t suffer in silence. See your doctor for diagnosis and treatment, and discuss your concerns about intimacy and how to talk about overactive bladder. The Pelvic Awareness Project connects women to trusted providers who specialize in pelvic health. 

Find a pelvic health doctor near you with our Physician Finder Tool.

References

1- https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/overactive-bladder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355715#:~:text=Overactive%20bladder%2C%20also%20called%20OAB,bladder%20might%20feel%20self%2Dconscious.

2- https://www.urologyhealth.org/urology-a-z/o/overactive-bladder-(oab)

3- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17498103/

4- https://jurolsurgery.org/articles/impact-of-overactive-bladder-syndrome-on-female-sexual-function/jus.468

5- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4821440/